How Childhood Emotional Abuse Affects the Way Teens Think About Themselves
When a young person experiences ongoing emotional abuse—criticism, humiliation, rejection—it does more than hurt in the moment. Over time, it can shape how they understand their own thoughts, emotions, and identity. New research by Gabriel Martin-Gagnon and colleagues highlights something many carers already sense: emotional trauma can disrupt a young person’s ability to make sense of themselves and others. This disruption may contribute to borderline personality traits, anxiety, and depression during adolescence.
How emotional abuse shapes a young person’s inner world
Emotional abuse is often less visible than physical harm, but its psychological impact can be profound. Repeated criticism, ridicule, rejection, or humiliation can gradually erode a child’s sense of safety and self-worth. When these experiences happen during development, they can influence how a young person understands their own emotions and relationships.
The research examined whether emotional abuse during childhood is linked to problems with a psychological ability called “mentalizing.” Mentalizing refers to the capacity to understand your own thoughts, feelings, and intentions, as well as those of other people. It is a skill that develops gradually during childhood in environments where caregivers respond with empathy and curiosity about a child’s emotional experiences.
When children grow up in environments where their feelings are dismissed or attacked, this ability may not develop in a stable way. Instead of learning that emotions make sense and can be understood, they may begin to doubt their own internal experiences.
Emotional abuse can disrupt a young person’s ability to understand their own feelings and intentions, creating deep uncertainty about their inner world.
What the study discovered
The study involved ninety-four adolescents receiving mental health care. Participants completed validated questionnaires measuring childhood emotional abuse, borderline personality features, anxiety, depression, and mentalizing ability.
The researchers focused on a specific difficulty called “uncertainty or confusion about mental states.” This refers to a person’s struggle to understand what they are feeling, why they are feeling it, and what others may be thinking or intending.
The results were striking. Adolescents who reported higher levels of childhood emotional abuse also reported greater confusion about their own and others’ mental states. This confusion was strongly linked to borderline personality traits and was also associated with anxiety and depressive symptoms.
In other words, the research suggests that emotional abuse may not directly produce emotional distress on its own. Instead, it may first disrupt a young person’s ability to understand their internal world. That confusion then becomes a pathway leading to broader psychological difficulties.
Mentalizing: a crucial skill for emotional development
Mentalizing, sometimes called reflective functioning, is the ability to think about thoughts and feelings—both our own and those of other people. It allows us to interpret behaviour in terms of intentions and emotions. For example, when someone cancels plans, mentalizing helps us consider multiple explanations rather than immediately assuming rejection or hostility.
This skill develops through early relationships. When caregivers respond to a child’s emotions with understanding and curiosity, children learn that their feelings make sense and can be explored. They begin to build a coherent internal narrative about who they are and why they react the way they do.
But when a child repeatedly experiences criticism, humiliation, or rejection, the process becomes disrupted. Instead of feeling understood, the child learns that their emotions are wrong or dangerous. Over time, they may become unsure whether their feelings are valid at all.
Mentalizing allows young people to understand their emotions and relationships. Emotional abuse can disrupt this ability and create lasting confusion about identity and feelings.
How confusion about mental states affects teenagers
When adolescents struggle to mentalize, everyday situations can become overwhelming. They may feel emotions intensely but have difficulty identifying or explaining them. This can lead to sudden mood shifts, interpersonal conflict, or feelings of emptiness and uncertainty about identity.
Teens experiencing mentalizing difficulties may question whether their feelings are real or justified. They may misinterpret other people’s intentions, assuming hostility or rejection where none was intended. Relationships can therefore feel unstable and unpredictable.
These patterns are commonly seen in adolescents with borderline personality traits. Emotional reactions can become intense because the young person cannot easily understand or regulate their internal experience. Without a clear sense of their emotional states, even minor interactions may trigger distress.
Why this research matters for carers
For carers supporting a young person with emotional instability, the experience can be confusing and exhausting. Adolescents may appear unpredictable, hypersensitive to perceived rejection, or unsure of who they are. These behaviours can sometimes be interpreted as defiance, manipulation, or attention-seeking.
The research offers a different perspective. These behaviours may reflect genuine confusion about internal emotional experiences. The young person may not fully understand what they feel or why they react so strongly.
Recognising this can shift how carers respond. Instead of trying to correct behaviour directly, it may be more helpful to focus on helping the young person understand their feelings and intentions. Supporting emotional reflection becomes more important than enforcing immediate behavioural change.
When teenagers struggle to understand their own emotions, their behaviour may reflect confusion rather than defiance.
How mentalizing difficulties appear in daily life
Mentalizing problems can appear in subtle but significant ways. Adolescents may seem uncertain about their own identity, shifting rapidly between different self-descriptions or values. They may interpret neutral interactions as rejection or hostility.
A young person might also struggle to link emotions to events. They may feel intense sadness, anger, or anxiety without understanding what triggered the feeling. This uncertainty can create further distress and lead to impulsive attempts to escape emotional discomfort.
In relationships, these difficulties may lead to misunderstandings and conflict. Friends or family members may feel confused by sudden emotional shifts or accusations that seem unrelated to what actually happened.
Supporting the development of mentalizing
One encouraging aspect of this research is that mentalizing is a skill that can be strengthened. Safe, supportive relationships can help adolescents rebuild their ability to understand emotions and intentions.
Carers can support this development by responding with curiosity rather than correction. Asking gentle questions about feelings or motivations encourages reflection. For example, instead of immediately addressing behaviour, a carer might ask what the young person believes they were feeling during a difficult moment.
Naming emotions can also help. When carers calmly identify possible emotional states, young people begin to connect internal experiences with external events. Over time, this can help them build a clearer understanding of their emotional world.
Curiosity and validation help adolescents rebuild the ability to understand their own emotions and relationships.
Mentalization-based approaches in therapy
These findings align closely with Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), an evidence-based therapy designed specifically for borderline personality disorder. MBT focuses on strengthening the ability to think about thoughts and feelings in oneself and others.
Therapists using MBT encourage patients to slow down emotional reactions and explore what might be happening in their own minds and in the minds of others. Over time, this process helps rebuild the capacity for reflective thinking that may have been disrupted by early emotional harm.
Although MBT is a structured therapy delivered by professionals, many of its principles can be used by carers in everyday interactions. Responding with patience, curiosity, and validation can help young people gradually rebuild mentalizing abilities.
Implications for schools and services
The study also highlights the importance of trauma-informed care in schools and mental health services. Adolescents presenting with emotional instability or identity confusion should be assessed not only for symptoms but also for experiences of emotional abuse or neglect.
Educational environments can play an important role in supporting emotional development. Teachers and school counsellors who create psychologically safe spaces can help young people reflect on their thoughts and feelings rather than suppressing them.
Training professionals in trauma-informed and mentalizing-based approaches may help reduce long-term psychological distress and improve outcomes for adolescents experiencing complex emotional difficulties.
Safe relationships in families, schools, and services help young people rebuild the ability to understand their inner world.
Conclusion
Childhood emotional abuse can have lasting effects on how young people understand themselves and others. The research suggests that confusion about mental states may act as a bridge between early emotional harm and later psychological distress.
For carers, this insight offers both explanation and hope. Emotional instability in adolescence may reflect disrupted emotional understanding rather than deliberate behaviour. With patient, supportive relationships and appropriate therapeutic approaches, young people can gradually rebuild their capacity to understand their feelings and develop a stronger sense of self.
Understanding the role of mentalizing helps shift the focus from blame to support. When adolescents learn to make sense of their inner experiences, they gain tools that support healthier relationships, emotional stability, and long-term wellbeing.
With understanding, validation, and safe relationships, adolescents can rebuild the ability to understand their emotions and identity.
Source note
This article is based on research by Gabriel Martin-Gagnon and colleagues published in 2024 in Frontiers in Psychology, examining how childhood emotional abuse influences mentalizing difficulties, borderline personality traits, anxiety, and depression in adolescents.
Add the full article link here: ARTICLE LINK